4 Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship

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Relationships are a challenge, and when you two live a long distance from each other it can be even more challenging. It is important to continue to stay connected and to build your trust in each other over time. The best way to do that is to communicate your thoughts, desires, and needs so there is no miscommunication. All relationships take work and long distance relationships require a bit more work and some creativity to make them successful.

Tip #1: Communication and Trust

Communication and trust is important in any relationship but when you are miles apart it can place a strain on both of you. You will have to learn to trust your partner without direct supervision, which might be an entirely new experience for you. But, trust shouldn’t need direct supervision. Anytime it is needed to keep the other person monogamous, it’s a sure sign that they will grab the first opportunity to stray when your eyes get tired of watching. Communicate your needs with your partner and use your phone conversation for more than just a recitation of what happened that day. Those small details help bond you, but so will the stories of your past and your dreams of your future.

Tip #2 Creativity

Be creative with your communication. Not everything needs to be expensive. Schedule some digital facetime conversation at least once a week. Call every day, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes and send a text or two each day letting them know you are thinking about them. Tell jokes in the text messages and finish the joke in an email or conversation. In your next visit, leave messages around their place, hide them so they won’t be found all at once. Mail a note every week or two. While digital communication is instant and free, there is nothing like holding a note in your hand, written in your partner’s handwriting and having your name plastered across the top. Sending flowers can get expensive, so think about gifts you purchase, box, and mail yourself. Box a gift in several layers of boxes with notes written across the top each one to increase the anticipation. Bake cookies in shapes or make a collage of your last visit and frame it.

Tip #3 The Plan

It is important to communicate your plan to each other and be clear about your expectations. You may be dreaming of a lifetime partnership and they might be thinking this is a good way to be commited without a real commitment. Have a plan and make it together. Understand the rules for communication – how much, how long, and what to do when things don’t go as planned. Plan your visits and time them so you both alternate the travel. In other words, you have to talk out what might naturally happen if you were living together. But, because you aren’t you’ll have to plan it – DO NOT wing it!

Tip #4 Keep Your Independence

Being in a commited relationship doesn’t mean you have to stop growing and developing as an individual. In fact, it’s best if you don’t offer to move to your partner’s town immediately and co-mingle your lives. Instead, it’s important to maintain some degree of independence. It can be very empowering to go out with friends and grow your career with the knowledge and stability of a commited relationship even when the object of your affections is miles and miles away. When your eventual plan to unite and to “close the distance” finally happens, you’ll bring with you a mature and developed woman who will continue bond well with your partner.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

It’s a Family Affair, or Is It?

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Each of us has had a different family experience. When you are developing an intimate emotional relationship with your guy you are also developing your new family. Your new guy isn’t trying to take you away from your family (or he shouldn’t be!) but he does want you to consider him as a part of your new family.

If you are close to your mother, brother, sister, or father you wouldn’t dream of leaving them out of important decisions. The same is true for your significant other. When you have become closer as a couple and have intentions of staying in the relationship long-term, it’s important to include your partner in your decision-making.

When it comes to sharing personal things between you, it’s best if you don’t share your relationship details with your sister, mother, brother, or father. Think about it flipped. Would you want him going to his family to discuss the problems you two are having?

Just because you don’t share every last detail with your family doesn’t mean that you don’t love them as much or that you should avoid them all together. It does mean that there are boundaries to what you share with them and how involved they are in your decisions and your life. Some of the details of your relationship should stay private. Anything you wouldn’t want public about your guy should remain between you two alone.

One detail that should never remain private is times when your significant other is abusive. If he is emotionally, physically, or psychologically abusive you must share that with your family or a trusted friend for advice. Never stay in a relationship where you are demoralized or abused. It has lifelong effects and will take quite a bit of time and professional help to get over it.

Don’t let family members or friends get in the middle of disagreements or fights between you. Take advice about HOW you should fight but not about what you are fighting about. The disagreements and problems you have should be worked out between you or with the help of a professional therapist. It is possible to seek help without explaining exactly what is happening. Also, that’s what the Dynamic Women’s Tribe group is for, so feel free to join us! The link is below.

Your family can be a big support in your relationship, but they can also get in the way and cause him to run for cover. After all, if they are intrusive before you even have a commitment, how much more will he endure after the marriage?

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Sophistication, Elegance, and Expenses

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Men may not ask you out on a first or second date because they feel they can’t afford you and may not continue to pursue you because they feel they can’t measure up.

What in the world does that mean?

In today’s society where many women have risen through corporate America and hold high paying jobs or started their own companies, they may not have a ‘need’ for a man to take care of her. Unfortunately, while she doesn’t need his income to maintain the style of living to which she has become accustomed, it can be emasculating to the man to evaluate her expensive tastes and realize that he just can’t keep up.

Some women talk about expensive taste because it helps them to weed out the men who CANNOT maintain their lifestyle, but others truly don’t know it’s even happening.

Have you been on a first date that seemed to go really well and then never got a call back? Suddenly you start questioning your ability to measure chemistry between yourself and another guy. It doesn’t seem to make sense that there were some sparks, you had the same interests, laughed at the same jokes but, still, no call back.

While you’re evaluating those dates, think about the comments you may have made about the drinks you enjoy (champagne?), the jewelry you wore (diamonds?), the names you dropped during the conversation or the places you’ve visited or vacationed. They may be interesting and fun stories, but they also indicate a lifestyle that may not be the same as his.

Maybe you don’t care that he’s an accountant at a large firm and satisfied with his current salary level because you’re looking for a companion who can meet other needs. You have the salary need met all on your own.

Now think about how that might feel to a guy who is used to being the one making more of the money (or most of the money) and how he is competing against your financial success.

Before dropping names, ordering expensive meals or drinks, or talking about your recent vacation at Vail, Colorado where you skied with the US Olympic team, you might want him to get to know you better. This kind of information is swallowed so much easier after he’s gotten to know the real you and can measure his discomfort against how much he really likes the real you.

On the flip side of this, you want to be careful when mentioning these things because you don’t want to end up with someone is after you solely for your money. It’s best to keep money and how much or little you spend out of the conversation until after you’ve gotten to know each other more.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Do You Talk or Listen?

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One big complaint that guys have about us is that we do more talking than listening. While you might take offense by the comment, if it’s right it can be annoying and kill a relationship in no time flat.

Any of us, men or women, want to know that we are heard and understood. How can that happen if the other person is doing all the talking and none of the listening?

And, don’t mistake hearing for listening. Hearing is the action of getting the sound in your ears and maybe the information in your head. Listening means that you heard, understood, and processed the information into the conversation. When he says he hates cheese and you suggest Mexican food for dinner, it’s pretty obvious that you either aren’t familiar with Mexican cuisine or you didn’t listen to what he was saying.

Another part of listening is giving him time to speak. Don’t interrupt or talk over the top of him, even if he’s taking longer to say something than you think he should or you think what he’s saying is just totally wrong. He may not be right. He might be taking forever to get through his thought process. But, if you respect him and care about him, you’ll give him the time he needs.

We are all different. All men aren’t the same and all women aren’t the same. Some of us process things faster than others and it isn’t gender specific. And, as much as people like to think that women talk more than men, that information was based on faulty research. More recently researchers have found that we all speak about the same number of words per day. (1) But, women typically have a more vast vocabulary.

With great communication skills you can reduce most other problems in a relationship to dust. Great communication skills don’t start with knowing what to say but rather with how to listen. On our bodies, we have two eyes, two nostrils, two ears, and one mouth. The eyes help us to read body language. And, we should learn how to listen twice as much as we speak and speak only after we’ve considered what we are going to say.

As you work through your issues with listening and talking, it’s time to also think about being honest in your communication with your partner. Little lies soon turn into big lies. When those lies are exposed your partner begins to wonder if anything you’ve ever said can be trusted. It might be frightening, but close bonding will occur when you are each open, vulnerable, and honest with your guy.

He’ll be honored that your trusted him with your secrets and he’ll know that you heard him when you can relate your information to his past. Pay attention to his non-verbal communication or body language. A large percentage of what another person is thinking and feeling will be communicated through the way they stand, sit, and look (back to the having two eyes thing!).

Are his arms crossed, eyes averted, or his body turned away from you? At this same time, are you talking more than listening? Try asking questions without challenging him about his thoughts. Don’t say, “You look angry.” But instead, “What are you thinking?” and then wait for the answer. Don’t jump in. Let there be silence until he can answer.

Listen to what he’s saying and how he’s acting to be totally in touch with your conversation. You can’t always be this present. But, if you are never present in your conversations with him, he’s likely to bug out.

(1) University of Arizona: Study Finds No Difference in the Amount Men and Women Talk

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Attitude, Attitude, Attitude

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In the search to determine why you lost your last boyfriend, and maybe even the last several, it may be time to look inward at yourself. We don’t like to think that it might be our attitude, the way we treat him, or anything about us that could have driven this last really terrific guy running and screaming into the darkness, but when there have been several in a row who leave, it could be time to take stock of ourselves.

One complaint that resonates quite frequently with men is that she might be just the tiniest bit too negative. Ok, maybe she’s just negative all the time about our little screw ups and mess ups. Let’s face it, we all mess up from time to time. Even the ladies do! But when the men screw up it seems they REALLY screw it up.

This is not the time to make nice, put the mess up under the rug, and just ignore it. But it is the time to work through it without blaming, yelling, or laying the whole problem at his feet. Working through conflict with grace and diplomacy will get you a whole lot further than just yelling, screaming, and slamming the door. Even worse, withholding physical affection, another favorite tactic, will just put an even bigger void between you.

You might think that your guy really messed up, but then haven’t you at times? And, if he’s just a screw up all the time, why are you sticking around?

The second half of this attitude issue is during times when he is NOT messing up. In other words, when he does something nice for you, recognize it. He might think you don’t notice; but when you do, it makes him feel like a million dollars.

It’s like when you do something really nice for your significant other that he wouldn’t normally expect. When he ignores you, it feels like you’re being taken for granted. The same is true for him.

Sometimes, you might have to work hard to find the little things he does to make your day better, especially when you’re having a bad day! But the extra attention you pay to his expressions of love will come back to reward you tenfold down the road.

Your attitude about life, relationships, job, family, and friends will say a lot about who you are and how you expect your guy to act around you. You must understand that while men and women experience the emotion of ‘love’ and ‘desire’ differently, they both understand the difference between being respected and disrespected.

A negative attitude that you might hold can come across as being disrespectful to your guy. When he feels disrespected he won’t demonstrate love and affection to you. When you don’t feel loved, it’s difficult to demonstrate respect.

If you can be the first to break the pattern, demonstrate a positive attitude with respect, you’ll have broken the pattern of attitude that drives men away searching for the woman who will support him and be sexy at the same time.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!