4 Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship

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Relationships are a challenge, and when you two live a long distance from each other it can be even more challenging. It is important to continue to stay connected and to build your trust in each other over time. The best way to do that is to communicate your thoughts, desires, and needs so there is no miscommunication. All relationships take work and long distance relationships require a bit more work and some creativity to make them successful.

Tip #1: Communication and Trust

Communication and trust is important in any relationship but when you are miles apart it can place a strain on both of you. You will have to learn to trust your partner without direct supervision, which might be an entirely new experience for you. But, trust shouldn’t need direct supervision. Anytime it is needed to keep the other person monogamous, it’s a sure sign that they will grab the first opportunity to stray when your eyes get tired of watching. Communicate your needs with your partner and use your phone conversation for more than just a recitation of what happened that day. Those small details help bond you, but so will the stories of your past and your dreams of your future.

Tip #2 Creativity

Be creative with your communication. Not everything needs to be expensive. Schedule some digital facetime conversation at least once a week. Call every day, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes and send a text or two each day letting them know you are thinking about them. Tell jokes in the text messages and finish the joke in an email or conversation. In your next visit, leave messages around their place, hide them so they won’t be found all at once. Mail a note every week or two. While digital communication is instant and free, there is nothing like holding a note in your hand, written in your partner’s handwriting and having your name plastered across the top. Sending flowers can get expensive, so think about gifts you purchase, box, and mail yourself. Box a gift in several layers of boxes with notes written across the top each one to increase the anticipation. Bake cookies in shapes or make a collage of your last visit and frame it.

Tip #3 The Plan

It is important to communicate your plan to each other and be clear about your expectations. You may be dreaming of a lifetime partnership and they might be thinking this is a good way to be commited without a real commitment. Have a plan and make it together. Understand the rules for communication – how much, how long, and what to do when things don’t go as planned. Plan your visits and time them so you both alternate the travel. In other words, you have to talk out what might naturally happen if you were living together. But, because you aren’t you’ll have to plan it – DO NOT wing it!

Tip #4 Keep Your Independence

Being in a commited relationship doesn’t mean you have to stop growing and developing as an individual. In fact, it’s best if you don’t offer to move to your partner’s town immediately and co-mingle your lives. Instead, it’s important to maintain some degree of independence. It can be very empowering to go out with friends and grow your career with the knowledge and stability of a commited relationship even when the object of your affections is miles and miles away. When your eventual plan to unite and to “close the distance” finally happens, you’ll bring with you a mature and developed woman who will continue bond well with your partner.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

It’s a Journey and Not a Race

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Sometimes, in your desire to have a settled life like the rest of your friends, you try to move the relationship you’re in too fast to a committed relationship. The absolute rule to remember is that any relationship is a journey and not a race to the altar.

As women, we often think of life in terms of events and not in terms of emotions. We move through a relationship under a specific timeline that exists only in our heads. He may not have the same timeline, and in fact, probably does not. Most men don’t have a time line. He doesn’t have a concrete sense of time. If it feels right, he’ll move toward commitment – if it doesn’t he may never get there.

Men have a tendency to place their emotions, relationships, and activities into boxes. Sometimes the things in those boxes don’t get addressed for months at a time. Two men may not have seen each other in 2 years but can take up their friendship from where it left off like nothing happened. It’s the blessing and curse of the male mind.

If you work against this and try to force your time frame, it will result in him leaving or becoming sluggish. When you work with it, then you become an intrigue and someone worth pursuing. When you repeatedly ask for or demand the commitment then you may as well hang it up. The minute you start talking constantly ABOUT the relationship instead of LIVING it, he’ll turn tail and run.

This gets us to what I call “Pacing the Relationship.” It’s important to work on yourself and be your own person. Do your own thing. Becoming the best person you can be, whether you are with him or not, you’ll become desirable. In other words, he’ll be doing the hunting, pursuing, and planning to keep you, while you just focus on being the best you that you can be. This is because you are inspiring him and not reading a laundry list of wants, complaints, and questions.

The word ‘commitment’ can strike fear into the heart of many men. But, when the idea comes from his own heart and he desires the actuality of a commitment without actually using the word ‘commitment’, he’s well on his way to slipping a ring on your finger or moving your relationship to the next level that you both desire.

This doesn’t mean that he won’t use the word commitment, but it will mean that it comes from him and not from you. Knowing how to get a man to have the idea himself is an art form. Perfecting that art form only means making yourself desirable and he’ll pursuing you without you doing anything else to encourage him.

Think about things this way, wouldn’t you prefer to be with a man who, of his own volition WANTS to be with you, is PROUD to be with you, and is INTERESTED in building a life with you? If you have to force it, then things will ultimately not work out. He will grow to resent you.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

It’s a Family Affair, or Is It?

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Each of us has had a different family experience. When you are developing an intimate emotional relationship with your guy you are also developing your new family. Your new guy isn’t trying to take you away from your family (or he shouldn’t be!) but he does want you to consider him as a part of your new family.

If you are close to your mother, brother, sister, or father you wouldn’t dream of leaving them out of important decisions. The same is true for your significant other. When you have become closer as a couple and have intentions of staying in the relationship long-term, it’s important to include your partner in your decision-making.

When it comes to sharing personal things between you, it’s best if you don’t share your relationship details with your sister, mother, brother, or father. Think about it flipped. Would you want him going to his family to discuss the problems you two are having?

Just because you don’t share every last detail with your family doesn’t mean that you don’t love them as much or that you should avoid them all together. It does mean that there are boundaries to what you share with them and how involved they are in your decisions and your life. Some of the details of your relationship should stay private. Anything you wouldn’t want public about your guy should remain between you two alone.

One detail that should never remain private is times when your significant other is abusive. If he is emotionally, physically, or psychologically abusive you must share that with your family or a trusted friend for advice. Never stay in a relationship where you are demoralized or abused. It has lifelong effects and will take quite a bit of time and professional help to get over it.

Don’t let family members or friends get in the middle of disagreements or fights between you. Take advice about HOW you should fight but not about what you are fighting about. The disagreements and problems you have should be worked out between you or with the help of a professional therapist. It is possible to seek help without explaining exactly what is happening. Also, that’s what the Dynamic Women’s Tribe group is for, so feel free to join us! The link is below.

Your family can be a big support in your relationship, but they can also get in the way and cause him to run for cover. After all, if they are intrusive before you even have a commitment, how much more will he endure after the marriage?

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Sophistication, Elegance, and Expenses

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Men may not ask you out on a first or second date because they feel they can’t afford you and may not continue to pursue you because they feel they can’t measure up.

What in the world does that mean?

In today’s society where many women have risen through corporate America and hold high paying jobs or started their own companies, they may not have a ‘need’ for a man to take care of her. Unfortunately, while she doesn’t need his income to maintain the style of living to which she has become accustomed, it can be emasculating to the man to evaluate her expensive tastes and realize that he just can’t keep up.

Some women talk about expensive taste because it helps them to weed out the men who CANNOT maintain their lifestyle, but others truly don’t know it’s even happening.

Have you been on a first date that seemed to go really well and then never got a call back? Suddenly you start questioning your ability to measure chemistry between yourself and another guy. It doesn’t seem to make sense that there were some sparks, you had the same interests, laughed at the same jokes but, still, no call back.

While you’re evaluating those dates, think about the comments you may have made about the drinks you enjoy (champagne?), the jewelry you wore (diamonds?), the names you dropped during the conversation or the places you’ve visited or vacationed. They may be interesting and fun stories, but they also indicate a lifestyle that may not be the same as his.

Maybe you don’t care that he’s an accountant at a large firm and satisfied with his current salary level because you’re looking for a companion who can meet other needs. You have the salary need met all on your own.

Now think about how that might feel to a guy who is used to being the one making more of the money (or most of the money) and how he is competing against your financial success.

Before dropping names, ordering expensive meals or drinks, or talking about your recent vacation at Vail, Colorado where you skied with the US Olympic team, you might want him to get to know you better. This kind of information is swallowed so much easier after he’s gotten to know the real you and can measure his discomfort against how much he really likes the real you.

On the flip side of this, you want to be careful when mentioning these things because you don’t want to end up with someone is after you solely for your money. It’s best to keep money and how much or little you spend out of the conversation until after you’ve gotten to know each other more.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Do you need him, want him, or can you actually get along without him?

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One of the most attractive traits you have is not NEEDING your guy. This is true if you are together or if you’ve broken up with him. Men need a challenge and when you express neediness (maybe thinking it is love?) he reacts by running, in the OPPOSITE direction.

Desire, outside of physical desire, can be expressed on a continuum. On the far left is neediness and the far right is disdain. Your aim is to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of that line. That middle line is an expression of wanting him without needing him and still being able to get along without him.

The really difficult concept to understand is that even if you need him, if he thinks you do, he’ll leave. It doesn’t matter how much you want him by your side each day and night. It doesn’t matter how much you care, love, or respect this guy. If HE isn’t ready for that affection, then the relationship is going nowhere. And, truly, going nowhere is where it will go.

So many times women hope and think that they can believe and hope a relationship back into existence. Maybe, she thinks, that she did something wrong? Maybe she was a bit too needy? Maybe she could change?

Well, the time to change is right here and right now.

It’s time recognize that you are a smart, intelligent, and warm individual who any man would be blessed to have in his life. If THIS guy doesn’t think that way, then it’s time to move on and you can be the one to say goodbye.

However, if you do care and want to see what you can do to save the relationship, then it’s time to change your own attitude to one of abundance and gratefulness. Be grateful for the talents and traits you already possess and think of your life from a perspective of abundance.

In other words, when you can mentally distance yourself from the relationship and engage with the rest of your life, then he’ll notice that as well. Suddenly you aren’t at his beck and call each day and he’ll have to spend time to pursue you. Even if you’ve been together for years, this act of putting him in control of pursuing you does two things. It engages his hunting instinct and it solidifies in his mind that he DOES want you.

The flip side of this scenario is that he doesn’t want to remain with you any longer. The hard part of this recognition is that it would have happened whether or not you became more independent. Your newfound independence and emotional health will help you move past this relationship and into a new, exciting, and more stable relationship where you can practice these new skills for years to come.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!