It’s a Journey and Not a Race

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Sometimes, in your desire to have a settled life like the rest of your friends, you try to move the relationship you’re in too fast to a committed relationship. The absolute rule to remember is that any relationship is a journey and not a race to the altar.

As women, we often think of life in terms of events and not in terms of emotions. We move through a relationship under a specific timeline that exists only in our heads. He may not have the same timeline, and in fact, probably does not. Most men don’t have a time line. He doesn’t have a concrete sense of time. If it feels right, he’ll move toward commitment – if it doesn’t he may never get there.

Men have a tendency to place their emotions, relationships, and activities into boxes. Sometimes the things in those boxes don’t get addressed for months at a time. Two men may not have seen each other in 2 years but can take up their friendship from where it left off like nothing happened. It’s the blessing and curse of the male mind.

If you work against this and try to force your time frame, it will result in him leaving or becoming sluggish. When you work with it, then you become an intrigue and someone worth pursuing. When you repeatedly ask for or demand the commitment then you may as well hang it up. The minute you start talking constantly ABOUT the relationship instead of LIVING it, he’ll turn tail and run.

This gets us to what I call “Pacing the Relationship.” It’s important to work on yourself and be your own person. Do your own thing. Becoming the best person you can be, whether you are with him or not, you’ll become desirable. In other words, he’ll be doing the hunting, pursuing, and planning to keep you, while you just focus on being the best you that you can be. This is because you are inspiring him and not reading a laundry list of wants, complaints, and questions.

The word ‘commitment’ can strike fear into the heart of many men. But, when the idea comes from his own heart and he desires the actuality of a commitment without actually using the word ‘commitment’, he’s well on his way to slipping a ring on your finger or moving your relationship to the next level that you both desire.

This doesn’t mean that he won’t use the word commitment, but it will mean that it comes from him and not from you. Knowing how to get a man to have the idea himself is an art form. Perfecting that art form only means making yourself desirable and he’ll pursuing you without you doing anything else to encourage him.

Think about things this way, wouldn’t you prefer to be with a man who, of his own volition WANTS to be with you, is PROUD to be with you, and is INTERESTED in building a life with you? If you have to force it, then things will ultimately not work out. He will grow to resent you.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

It’s a Family Affair, or Is It?

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Each of us has had a different family experience. When you are developing an intimate emotional relationship with your guy you are also developing your new family. Your new guy isn’t trying to take you away from your family (or he shouldn’t be!) but he does want you to consider him as a part of your new family.

If you are close to your mother, brother, sister, or father you wouldn’t dream of leaving them out of important decisions. The same is true for your significant other. When you have become closer as a couple and have intentions of staying in the relationship long-term, it’s important to include your partner in your decision-making.

When it comes to sharing personal things between you, it’s best if you don’t share your relationship details with your sister, mother, brother, or father. Think about it flipped. Would you want him going to his family to discuss the problems you two are having?

Just because you don’t share every last detail with your family doesn’t mean that you don’t love them as much or that you should avoid them all together. It does mean that there are boundaries to what you share with them and how involved they are in your decisions and your life. Some of the details of your relationship should stay private. Anything you wouldn’t want public about your guy should remain between you two alone.

One detail that should never remain private is times when your significant other is abusive. If he is emotionally, physically, or psychologically abusive you must share that with your family or a trusted friend for advice. Never stay in a relationship where you are demoralized or abused. It has lifelong effects and will take quite a bit of time and professional help to get over it.

Don’t let family members or friends get in the middle of disagreements or fights between you. Take advice about HOW you should fight but not about what you are fighting about. The disagreements and problems you have should be worked out between you or with the help of a professional therapist. It is possible to seek help without explaining exactly what is happening. Also, that’s what the Dynamic Women’s Tribe group is for, so feel free to join us! The link is below.

Your family can be a big support in your relationship, but they can also get in the way and cause him to run for cover. After all, if they are intrusive before you even have a commitment, how much more will he endure after the marriage?

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Sophistication, Elegance, and Expenses

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Men may not ask you out on a first or second date because they feel they can’t afford you and may not continue to pursue you because they feel they can’t measure up.

What in the world does that mean?

In today’s society where many women have risen through corporate America and hold high paying jobs or started their own companies, they may not have a ‘need’ for a man to take care of her. Unfortunately, while she doesn’t need his income to maintain the style of living to which she has become accustomed, it can be emasculating to the man to evaluate her expensive tastes and realize that he just can’t keep up.

Some women talk about expensive taste because it helps them to weed out the men who CANNOT maintain their lifestyle, but others truly don’t know it’s even happening.

Have you been on a first date that seemed to go really well and then never got a call back? Suddenly you start questioning your ability to measure chemistry between yourself and another guy. It doesn’t seem to make sense that there were some sparks, you had the same interests, laughed at the same jokes but, still, no call back.

While you’re evaluating those dates, think about the comments you may have made about the drinks you enjoy (champagne?), the jewelry you wore (diamonds?), the names you dropped during the conversation or the places you’ve visited or vacationed. They may be interesting and fun stories, but they also indicate a lifestyle that may not be the same as his.

Maybe you don’t care that he’s an accountant at a large firm and satisfied with his current salary level because you’re looking for a companion who can meet other needs. You have the salary need met all on your own.

Now think about how that might feel to a guy who is used to being the one making more of the money (or most of the money) and how he is competing against your financial success.

Before dropping names, ordering expensive meals or drinks, or talking about your recent vacation at Vail, Colorado where you skied with the US Olympic team, you might want him to get to know you better. This kind of information is swallowed so much easier after he’s gotten to know the real you and can measure his discomfort against how much he really likes the real you.

On the flip side of this, you want to be careful when mentioning these things because you don’t want to end up with someone is after you solely for your money. It’s best to keep money and how much or little you spend out of the conversation until after you’ve gotten to know each other more.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Do You Talk or Listen?

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One big complaint that guys have about us is that we do more talking than listening. While you might take offense by the comment, if it’s right it can be annoying and kill a relationship in no time flat.

Any of us, men or women, want to know that we are heard and understood. How can that happen if the other person is doing all the talking and none of the listening?

And, don’t mistake hearing for listening. Hearing is the action of getting the sound in your ears and maybe the information in your head. Listening means that you heard, understood, and processed the information into the conversation. When he says he hates cheese and you suggest Mexican food for dinner, it’s pretty obvious that you either aren’t familiar with Mexican cuisine or you didn’t listen to what he was saying.

Another part of listening is giving him time to speak. Don’t interrupt or talk over the top of him, even if he’s taking longer to say something than you think he should or you think what he’s saying is just totally wrong. He may not be right. He might be taking forever to get through his thought process. But, if you respect him and care about him, you’ll give him the time he needs.

We are all different. All men aren’t the same and all women aren’t the same. Some of us process things faster than others and it isn’t gender specific. And, as much as people like to think that women talk more than men, that information was based on faulty research. More recently researchers have found that we all speak about the same number of words per day. (1) But, women typically have a more vast vocabulary.

With great communication skills you can reduce most other problems in a relationship to dust. Great communication skills don’t start with knowing what to say but rather with how to listen. On our bodies, we have two eyes, two nostrils, two ears, and one mouth. The eyes help us to read body language. And, we should learn how to listen twice as much as we speak and speak only after we’ve considered what we are going to say.

As you work through your issues with listening and talking, it’s time to also think about being honest in your communication with your partner. Little lies soon turn into big lies. When those lies are exposed your partner begins to wonder if anything you’ve ever said can be trusted. It might be frightening, but close bonding will occur when you are each open, vulnerable, and honest with your guy.

He’ll be honored that your trusted him with your secrets and he’ll know that you heard him when you can relate your information to his past. Pay attention to his non-verbal communication or body language. A large percentage of what another person is thinking and feeling will be communicated through the way they stand, sit, and look (back to the having two eyes thing!).

Are his arms crossed, eyes averted, or his body turned away from you? At this same time, are you talking more than listening? Try asking questions without challenging him about his thoughts. Don’t say, “You look angry.” But instead, “What are you thinking?” and then wait for the answer. Don’t jump in. Let there be silence until he can answer.

Listen to what he’s saying and how he’s acting to be totally in touch with your conversation. You can’t always be this present. But, if you are never present in your conversations with him, he’s likely to bug out.

(1) University of Arizona: Study Finds No Difference in the Amount Men and Women Talk

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Do you need him, want him, or can you actually get along without him?

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One of the most attractive traits you have is not NEEDING your guy. This is true if you are together or if you’ve broken up with him. Men need a challenge and when you express neediness (maybe thinking it is love?) he reacts by running, in the OPPOSITE direction.

Desire, outside of physical desire, can be expressed on a continuum. On the far left is neediness and the far right is disdain. Your aim is to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of that line. That middle line is an expression of wanting him without needing him and still being able to get along without him.

The really difficult concept to understand is that even if you need him, if he thinks you do, he’ll leave. It doesn’t matter how much you want him by your side each day and night. It doesn’t matter how much you care, love, or respect this guy. If HE isn’t ready for that affection, then the relationship is going nowhere. And, truly, going nowhere is where it will go.

So many times women hope and think that they can believe and hope a relationship back into existence. Maybe, she thinks, that she did something wrong? Maybe she was a bit too needy? Maybe she could change?

Well, the time to change is right here and right now.

It’s time recognize that you are a smart, intelligent, and warm individual who any man would be blessed to have in his life. If THIS guy doesn’t think that way, then it’s time to move on and you can be the one to say goodbye.

However, if you do care and want to see what you can do to save the relationship, then it’s time to change your own attitude to one of abundance and gratefulness. Be grateful for the talents and traits you already possess and think of your life from a perspective of abundance.

In other words, when you can mentally distance yourself from the relationship and engage with the rest of your life, then he’ll notice that as well. Suddenly you aren’t at his beck and call each day and he’ll have to spend time to pursue you. Even if you’ve been together for years, this act of putting him in control of pursuing you does two things. It engages his hunting instinct and it solidifies in his mind that he DOES want you.

The flip side of this scenario is that he doesn’t want to remain with you any longer. The hard part of this recognition is that it would have happened whether or not you became more independent. Your newfound independence and emotional health will help you move past this relationship and into a new, exciting, and more stable relationship where you can practice these new skills for years to come.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!