4 Tips for a Successful Long Distance Relationship

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Relationships are a challenge, and when you two live a long distance from each other it can be even more challenging. It is important to continue to stay connected and to build your trust in each other over time. The best way to do that is to communicate your thoughts, desires, and needs so there is no miscommunication. All relationships take work and long distance relationships require a bit more work and some creativity to make them successful.

Tip #1: Communication and Trust

Communication and trust is important in any relationship but when you are miles apart it can place a strain on both of you. You will have to learn to trust your partner without direct supervision, which might be an entirely new experience for you. But, trust shouldn’t need direct supervision. Anytime it is needed to keep the other person monogamous, it’s a sure sign that they will grab the first opportunity to stray when your eyes get tired of watching. Communicate your needs with your partner and use your phone conversation for more than just a recitation of what happened that day. Those small details help bond you, but so will the stories of your past and your dreams of your future.

Tip #2 Creativity

Be creative with your communication. Not everything needs to be expensive. Schedule some digital facetime conversation at least once a week. Call every day, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes and send a text or two each day letting them know you are thinking about them. Tell jokes in the text messages and finish the joke in an email or conversation. In your next visit, leave messages around their place, hide them so they won’t be found all at once. Mail a note every week or two. While digital communication is instant and free, there is nothing like holding a note in your hand, written in your partner’s handwriting and having your name plastered across the top. Sending flowers can get expensive, so think about gifts you purchase, box, and mail yourself. Box a gift in several layers of boxes with notes written across the top each one to increase the anticipation. Bake cookies in shapes or make a collage of your last visit and frame it.

Tip #3 The Plan

It is important to communicate your plan to each other and be clear about your expectations. You may be dreaming of a lifetime partnership and they might be thinking this is a good way to be commited without a real commitment. Have a plan and make it together. Understand the rules for communication – how much, how long, and what to do when things don’t go as planned. Plan your visits and time them so you both alternate the travel. In other words, you have to talk out what might naturally happen if you were living together. But, because you aren’t you’ll have to plan it – DO NOT wing it!

Tip #4 Keep Your Independence

Being in a commited relationship doesn’t mean you have to stop growing and developing as an individual. In fact, it’s best if you don’t offer to move to your partner’s town immediately and co-mingle your lives. Instead, it’s important to maintain some degree of independence. It can be very empowering to go out with friends and grow your career with the knowledge and stability of a commited relationship even when the object of your affections is miles and miles away. When your eventual plan to unite and to “close the distance” finally happens, you’ll bring with you a mature and developed woman who will continue bond well with your partner.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

His Friends and Family

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Let’s say you’ve been dating for 2 months and he’s asked you to meet his friends and family. You have now reached level two of the relationship where you start meeting each other’s friends, relatives, and other significant people in each other’s lives.

This is a crucial junction which can make or break the next several months and can spell disaster for a long-term marriage type of relationship. Men are interested in their friends’ opinions of who they are dating just as women are. Men are not independent little souls who are adrift on a sea of despair until they meet their significant other.

Quite the contrary, usually. Often, men have friends they do ‘sports’ things with, ‘family’ type things,and just ‘hanging out’ type activities. These are the people that need to sign off on his relationship with you. As a relationship matures and moves forward you’ll do it around his friends and relatives. If the atmosphere is tense and problematic it’s likely he’ll choose them over you.

Most men don’t have a problem with conflict at work, but conflict in their personal relationships is a whole ‘nother story. To get rid of the conflict and strain, they will get rid of the thing that is causing it. And, unfortunately, you will be outnumbered – lots of friends and family against little ol’ you.

This is the time to lift your head, be yourself, enjoy his friends, and realize that any disagreements you have with them (serious ones) are bound to trickle into your own relationship.

It is important to be yourself because you can’t fake a personality for years to come. And, if the relationship with your guy has potential, then you may be looking at a commitment to these people for years to come.

Evaluate his friends and family and ask yourself if they could become your own friends and family. The reality is that if your relationship blossoms and you move in together or he slips a ring on your finger, those friends and family of his will quickly become yours!

And, it’s totally ok for you to not like all of them, but you shouldn’t allow your dislike to hinder his friendship with that person. Just as you wouldn’t want him to get in the way of your friendship with one of your girlfriends. This is assuming his friendship is with another man whom you are not fond of. Opposite sex friendships are a different ballgame to sort through.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Sophistication, Elegance, and Expenses

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Men may not ask you out on a first or second date because they feel they can’t afford you and may not continue to pursue you because they feel they can’t measure up.

What in the world does that mean?

In today’s society where many women have risen through corporate America and hold high paying jobs or started their own companies, they may not have a ‘need’ for a man to take care of her. Unfortunately, while she doesn’t need his income to maintain the style of living to which she has become accustomed, it can be emasculating to the man to evaluate her expensive tastes and realize that he just can’t keep up.

Some women talk about expensive taste because it helps them to weed out the men who CANNOT maintain their lifestyle, but others truly don’t know it’s even happening.

Have you been on a first date that seemed to go really well and then never got a call back? Suddenly you start questioning your ability to measure chemistry between yourself and another guy. It doesn’t seem to make sense that there were some sparks, you had the same interests, laughed at the same jokes but, still, no call back.

While you’re evaluating those dates, think about the comments you may have made about the drinks you enjoy (champagne?), the jewelry you wore (diamonds?), the names you dropped during the conversation or the places you’ve visited or vacationed. They may be interesting and fun stories, but they also indicate a lifestyle that may not be the same as his.

Maybe you don’t care that he’s an accountant at a large firm and satisfied with his current salary level because you’re looking for a companion who can meet other needs. You have the salary need met all on your own.

Now think about how that might feel to a guy who is used to being the one making more of the money (or most of the money) and how he is competing against your financial success.

Before dropping names, ordering expensive meals or drinks, or talking about your recent vacation at Vail, Colorado where you skied with the US Olympic team, you might want him to get to know you better. This kind of information is swallowed so much easier after he’s gotten to know the real you and can measure his discomfort against how much he really likes the real you.

On the flip side of this, you want to be careful when mentioning these things because you don’t want to end up with someone is after you solely for your money. It’s best to keep money and how much or little you spend out of the conversation until after you’ve gotten to know each other more.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Attitude, Attitude, Attitude

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In the search to determine why you lost your last boyfriend, and maybe even the last several, it may be time to look inward at yourself. We don’t like to think that it might be our attitude, the way we treat him, or anything about us that could have driven this last really terrific guy running and screaming into the darkness, but when there have been several in a row who leave, it could be time to take stock of ourselves.

One complaint that resonates quite frequently with men is that she might be just the tiniest bit too negative. Ok, maybe she’s just negative all the time about our little screw ups and mess ups. Let’s face it, we all mess up from time to time. Even the ladies do! But when the men screw up it seems they REALLY screw it up.

This is not the time to make nice, put the mess up under the rug, and just ignore it. But it is the time to work through it without blaming, yelling, or laying the whole problem at his feet. Working through conflict with grace and diplomacy will get you a whole lot further than just yelling, screaming, and slamming the door. Even worse, withholding physical affection, another favorite tactic, will just put an even bigger void between you.

You might think that your guy really messed up, but then haven’t you at times? And, if he’s just a screw up all the time, why are you sticking around?

The second half of this attitude issue is during times when he is NOT messing up. In other words, when he does something nice for you, recognize it. He might think you don’t notice; but when you do, it makes him feel like a million dollars.

It’s like when you do something really nice for your significant other that he wouldn’t normally expect. When he ignores you, it feels like you’re being taken for granted. The same is true for him.

Sometimes, you might have to work hard to find the little things he does to make your day better, especially when you’re having a bad day! But the extra attention you pay to his expressions of love will come back to reward you tenfold down the road.

Your attitude about life, relationships, job, family, and friends will say a lot about who you are and how you expect your guy to act around you. You must understand that while men and women experience the emotion of ‘love’ and ‘desire’ differently, they both understand the difference between being respected and disrespected.

A negative attitude that you might hold can come across as being disrespectful to your guy. When he feels disrespected he won’t demonstrate love and affection to you. When you don’t feel loved, it’s difficult to demonstrate respect.

If you can be the first to break the pattern, demonstrate a positive attitude with respect, you’ll have broken the pattern of attitude that drives men away searching for the woman who will support him and be sexy at the same time.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Get the Experience, Not the Wardrobe

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Both men and women may find that they are more approachable and a better match to others when they pay more attention to the experiences they can live through rather than the wardrobe they may put on.

One piece of advice that is common when you are meeting new people is that it’s important to look and feel your best. Knowing that you look good and that you are comfortable in your clothes (or skin) helps to increase your self-confidence. This increase in confidence is very visible to people around you. It’s in your body language and the way that you hold yourself. So, it would seem reasonable to look your best, in the best you can afford, to have the best confidence when you’re meeting new people.

But, move forward through that scenario just 10 minutes. Suddenly you are past the new suit, new outfit, new jewelry, or new shoes and on to a conversation that seems to go nowhere. That is not to say that you shouldn’t dress your best or be as confident as possible, but there is a lot to be said for having interesting and stimulating experiences to share with others.

What if you don’t have a couple extra thousand in the bank to fund that ticket for a safari? What if you don’t want to go it alone? What are your other choices to having experiences you can share without breaking the bank to do it?

The truth is, you can have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. In this instance, you can have the wardrobe and interesting experiences, all at the same time. Shop on a budget and search for the sales. I’ve often found designer clothing at second-hand stores that still have the tag on! Make your money go as far as it can go because, after all, you did spend your well-deserved time and energy to earn it in the first place.

Next, let’s look for experiences that don’t cost too much, that increase the potential you’ll grow as a person and that might also help others. Habitat for Humanity is a wonderful way to help others in your community, meet like-minded people, and get some sun and exercise–all at the same time. Search for their site online and check out the needs in your area. If you aren’t a dress and heels kind of woman, this is just the environment to meet a man who isn’t necessarily interested in black tie events and who is interested in building a strong community.

Walking tours of the local parks and recreation areas that include wildlife information help you to become the resident expert at wildlife and ‘reading’ the local landscape. You can meet people on these tours, make long-time friends, and get a bit of exercise too.

Read several books about a faraway land, get caught up on the politics of the region and then pitch in to help in a way that will make a difference in the lives of those less fortunate. Maybe you could start a campaign to help the children in this country, participate in a local fund raising event, or visit people from this country who live in your local community.

Walk-a-thons and Bike-a-thons are always fun, interesting, and help you to raise money for a worthy cause. You’ll meet fun people who are interested in helping as much as you are and may even develop a friendship that moves beyond the event. Local charity ministries always need more help to package boxes, run events, and serve their community.

Each of these experiences continues to help you to grow as a person and gives you interesting and creative stories you can tell to your special someone when the conversation starts to run out.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!