Sophistication, Elegance, and Expenses

Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

Men may not ask you out on a first or second date because they feel they can’t afford you and may not continue to pursue you because they feel they can’t measure up.

What in the world does that mean?

In today’s society where many women have risen through corporate America and hold high paying jobs or started their own companies, they may not have a ‘need’ for a man to take care of her. Unfortunately, while she doesn’t need his income to maintain the style of living to which she has become accustomed, it can be emasculating to the man to evaluate her expensive tastes and realize that he just can’t keep up.

Some women talk about expensive taste because it helps them to weed out the men who CANNOT maintain their lifestyle, but others truly don’t know it’s even happening.

Have you been on a first date that seemed to go really well and then never got a call back? Suddenly you start questioning your ability to measure chemistry between yourself and another guy. It doesn’t seem to make sense that there were some sparks, you had the same interests, laughed at the same jokes but, still, no call back.

While you’re evaluating those dates, think about the comments you may have made about the drinks you enjoy (champagne?), the jewelry you wore (diamonds?), the names you dropped during the conversation or the places you’ve visited or vacationed. They may be interesting and fun stories, but they also indicate a lifestyle that may not be the same as his.

Maybe you don’t care that he’s an accountant at a large firm and satisfied with his current salary level because you’re looking for a companion who can meet other needs. You have the salary need met all on your own.

Now think about how that might feel to a guy who is used to being the one making more of the money (or most of the money) and how he is competing against your financial success.

Before dropping names, ordering expensive meals or drinks, or talking about your recent vacation at Vail, Colorado where you skied with the US Olympic team, you might want him to get to know you better. This kind of information is swallowed so much easier after he’s gotten to know the real you and can measure his discomfort against how much he really likes the real you.

On the flip side of this, you want to be careful when mentioning these things because you don’t want to end up with someone is after you solely for your money. It’s best to keep money and how much or little you spend out of the conversation until after you’ve gotten to know each other more.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Do you need him, want him, or can you actually get along without him?

Photo by Alex Boyd on Unsplash

One of the most attractive traits you have is not NEEDING your guy. This is true if you are together or if you’ve broken up with him. Men need a challenge and when you express neediness (maybe thinking it is love?) he reacts by running, in the OPPOSITE direction.

Desire, outside of physical desire, can be expressed on a continuum. On the far left is neediness and the far right is disdain. Your aim is to be somewhere smack dab in the middle of that line. That middle line is an expression of wanting him without needing him and still being able to get along without him.

The really difficult concept to understand is that even if you need him, if he thinks you do, he’ll leave. It doesn’t matter how much you want him by your side each day and night. It doesn’t matter how much you care, love, or respect this guy. If HE isn’t ready for that affection, then the relationship is going nowhere. And, truly, going nowhere is where it will go.

So many times women hope and think that they can believe and hope a relationship back into existence. Maybe, she thinks, that she did something wrong? Maybe she was a bit too needy? Maybe she could change?

Well, the time to change is right here and right now.

It’s time recognize that you are a smart, intelligent, and warm individual who any man would be blessed to have in his life. If THIS guy doesn’t think that way, then it’s time to move on and you can be the one to say goodbye.

However, if you do care and want to see what you can do to save the relationship, then it’s time to change your own attitude to one of abundance and gratefulness. Be grateful for the talents and traits you already possess and think of your life from a perspective of abundance.

In other words, when you can mentally distance yourself from the relationship and engage with the rest of your life, then he’ll notice that as well. Suddenly you aren’t at his beck and call each day and he’ll have to spend time to pursue you. Even if you’ve been together for years, this act of putting him in control of pursuing you does two things. It engages his hunting instinct and it solidifies in his mind that he DOES want you.

The flip side of this scenario is that he doesn’t want to remain with you any longer. The hard part of this recognition is that it would have happened whether or not you became more independent. Your newfound independence and emotional health will help you move past this relationship and into a new, exciting, and more stable relationship where you can practice these new skills for years to come.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Attitude, Attitude, Attitude

Photo by Gabriel Matula on Unsplash

In the search to determine why you lost your last boyfriend, and maybe even the last several, it may be time to look inward at yourself. We don’t like to think that it might be our attitude, the way we treat him, or anything about us that could have driven this last really terrific guy running and screaming into the darkness, but when there have been several in a row who leave, it could be time to take stock of ourselves.

One complaint that resonates quite frequently with men is that she might be just the tiniest bit too negative. Ok, maybe she’s just negative all the time about our little screw ups and mess ups. Let’s face it, we all mess up from time to time. Even the ladies do! But when the men screw up it seems they REALLY screw it up.

This is not the time to make nice, put the mess up under the rug, and just ignore it. But it is the time to work through it without blaming, yelling, or laying the whole problem at his feet. Working through conflict with grace and diplomacy will get you a whole lot further than just yelling, screaming, and slamming the door. Even worse, withholding physical affection, another favorite tactic, will just put an even bigger void between you.

You might think that your guy really messed up, but then haven’t you at times? And, if he’s just a screw up all the time, why are you sticking around?

The second half of this attitude issue is during times when he is NOT messing up. In other words, when he does something nice for you, recognize it. He might think you don’t notice; but when you do, it makes him feel like a million dollars.

It’s like when you do something really nice for your significant other that he wouldn’t normally expect. When he ignores you, it feels like you’re being taken for granted. The same is true for him.

Sometimes, you might have to work hard to find the little things he does to make your day better, especially when you’re having a bad day! But the extra attention you pay to his expressions of love will come back to reward you tenfold down the road.

Your attitude about life, relationships, job, family, and friends will say a lot about who you are and how you expect your guy to act around you. You must understand that while men and women experience the emotion of ‘love’ and ‘desire’ differently, they both understand the difference between being respected and disrespected.

A negative attitude that you might hold can come across as being disrespectful to your guy. When he feels disrespected he won’t demonstrate love and affection to you. When you don’t feel loved, it’s difficult to demonstrate respect.

If you can be the first to break the pattern, demonstrate a positive attitude with respect, you’ll have broken the pattern of attitude that drives men away searching for the woman who will support him and be sexy at the same time.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

Get the Experience, Not the Wardrobe

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Both men and women may find that they are more approachable and a better match to others when they pay more attention to the experiences they can live through rather than the wardrobe they may put on.

One piece of advice that is common when you are meeting new people is that it’s important to look and feel your best. Knowing that you look good and that you are comfortable in your clothes (or skin) helps to increase your self-confidence. This increase in confidence is very visible to people around you. It’s in your body language and the way that you hold yourself. So, it would seem reasonable to look your best, in the best you can afford, to have the best confidence when you’re meeting new people.

But, move forward through that scenario just 10 minutes. Suddenly you are past the new suit, new outfit, new jewelry, or new shoes and on to a conversation that seems to go nowhere. That is not to say that you shouldn’t dress your best or be as confident as possible, but there is a lot to be said for having interesting and stimulating experiences to share with others.

What if you don’t have a couple extra thousand in the bank to fund that ticket for a safari? What if you don’t want to go it alone? What are your other choices to having experiences you can share without breaking the bank to do it?

The truth is, you can have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. In this instance, you can have the wardrobe and interesting experiences, all at the same time. Shop on a budget and search for the sales. I’ve often found designer clothing at second-hand stores that still have the tag on! Make your money go as far as it can go because, after all, you did spend your well-deserved time and energy to earn it in the first place.

Next, let’s look for experiences that don’t cost too much, that increase the potential you’ll grow as a person and that might also help others. Habitat for Humanity is a wonderful way to help others in your community, meet like-minded people, and get some sun and exercise–all at the same time. Search for their site online and check out the needs in your area. If you aren’t a dress and heels kind of woman, this is just the environment to meet a man who isn’t necessarily interested in black tie events and who is interested in building a strong community.

Walking tours of the local parks and recreation areas that include wildlife information help you to become the resident expert at wildlife and ‘reading’ the local landscape. You can meet people on these tours, make long-time friends, and get a bit of exercise too.

Read several books about a faraway land, get caught up on the politics of the region and then pitch in to help in a way that will make a difference in the lives of those less fortunate. Maybe you could start a campaign to help the children in this country, participate in a local fund raising event, or visit people from this country who live in your local community.

Walk-a-thons and Bike-a-thons are always fun, interesting, and help you to raise money for a worthy cause. You’ll meet fun people who are interested in helping as much as you are and may even develop a friendship that moves beyond the event. Local charity ministries always need more help to package boxes, run events, and serve their community.

Each of these experiences continues to help you to grow as a person and gives you interesting and creative stories you can tell to your special someone when the conversation starts to run out.

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!

When They Don’t Approach

Photo by Rachael Gorjestani on Unsplash

What happens when you want the guy to approach and he just doesn’t take the hint? You’ve given off all the right signals, or at least you think you have. You’ve been smiling his way, making eye contact and flirting to the best of your ability. He keeps STARING but doesn’t seem to be MOVING. What’s next?

Well, there are several reasons he may not approach you. And, depending upon what you perceive to be the reason, you might have one more ace up your sleeve.

You might have gone overboard. In other words, you might have flirted with him so much that he just can’t imagine how anyone can bat their eyes that much in one sitting. In this case, the stare isn’t because he finds you attractive in physical or romantic sense, but rather finds you interesting as a study in social interactions that should never have made it out of the house.

It’s time to cut bait and move on. The whole situation is probably a goner because his opinion of you has already been formed and it isn’t a good one!

Maybe he’s already attached to another woman and is staring because although he finds you attractive, he is honoring his commitment to someone else. This man is a keeper. It’s just that you can’t have him.

Another option that isn’t so wonderful is that he is just not that in to you. He’s not really staring at YOU per se, but instead is staring at your cleavage and thinking of what happened at the office that day. Again, this situation is a goner. There isn’t a thing you can do about this.

Let’s face it. Chemistry is a two way street and if he isn’t feeling it then it won’t matter how many ‘vibes’ you put out; he just isn’t feeling it. Maybe it isn’t you. Maybe it’s the wrong day, time, argument with his ex, fight with his boss, or any other of the large number of things that can go wrong in a person’s life. But, no matter how you slice it, the timing is all wrong. Time to wait until another encounter.

The last option is that he’s the shy one and not sure he can walk across the room to talk with you. On the one hand, you have to ask yourself if this is really your problem. Is this guy so shy that he can’t talk with you and maybe so socially backward that you’ll be the one taking the reins in the relationship for the rest of your time together?

On the other hand, maybe the last few times he’s approached a woman he’s was burned with scathing remarks and put downs. He’s finally had enough and is just sitting and waiting to see if YOU will be the one to approach him.

So, go ahead and approach him. If he’s not interested, he’ll let you know and, just understand, he may or may not be kind when he tells you as much. Remember, he might just be tired of getting his hopes dashed with each approach and it’s possible that you may just have met the man of your dreams.

It comes down to how thick your own skin is that day. Can you handle it if he says he isn’t interested, even if he isn’t kind? Keep in mind, men go through this every time they try to approach a woman. Also, if he isn’t kind about it, then you know FOR SURE he’s not the right guy for you!

Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!