Sometimes, in your desire to have a settled life like the rest of your friends, you try to move the relationship you’re in too fast to a committed relationship. The absolute rule to remember is that any relationship is a journey and not a race to the altar.
As women, we often think of life in terms of events and not in terms of emotions. We move through a relationship under a specific timeline that exists only in our heads. He may not have the same timeline, and in fact, probably does not. Most men don’t have a time line. He doesn’t have a concrete sense of time. If it feels right, he’ll move toward commitment – if it doesn’t he may never get there.
Men have a tendency to place their emotions, relationships, and activities into boxes. Sometimes the things in those boxes don’t get addressed for months at a time. Two men may not have seen each other in 2 years but can take up their friendship from where it left off like nothing happened. It’s the blessing and curse of the male mind.
If you work against this and try to force your time frame, it will result in him leaving or becoming sluggish. When you work with it, then you become an intrigue and someone worth pursuing. When you repeatedly ask for or demand the commitment then you may as well hang it up. The minute you start talking constantly ABOUT the relationship instead of LIVING it, he’ll turn tail and run.
This gets us to what I call “Pacing the Relationship.” It’s important to work on yourself and be your own person. Do your own thing. Becoming the best person you can be, whether you are with him or not, you’ll become desirable. In other words, he’ll be doing the hunting, pursuing, and planning to keep you, while you just focus on being the best you that you can be. This is because you are inspiring him and not reading a laundry list of wants, complaints, and questions.
The word ‘commitment’ can strike fear into the heart of many men. But, when the idea comes from his own heart and he desires the actuality of a commitment without actually using the word ‘commitment’, he’s well on his way to slipping a ring on your finger or moving your relationship to the next level that you both desire.
This doesn’t mean that he won’t use the word commitment, but it will mean that it comes from him and not from you. Knowing how to get a man to have the idea himself is an art form. Perfecting that art form only means making yourself desirable and he’ll pursuing you without you doing anything else to encourage him.
Think about things this way, wouldn’t you prefer to be with a man who, of his own volition WANTS to be with you, is PROUD to be with you, and is INTERESTED in building a life with you? If you have to force it, then things will ultimately not work out. He will grow to resent you.
Join me LIVE on Facebook every Monday through Friday as we discuss this further and get your questions answered! Also, if are a woman who would like help understand men better and you are curious about what is going on inside the Dynamic Women’s Tribe, come take a peek! Stay cool!